dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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