did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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