Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
