Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
