I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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