The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
