Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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