I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
