when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
