who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
