i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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