Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
