Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Terrible idea I love it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
