can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
