awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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