I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
