If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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