I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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