i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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