he puts the penis in happiness.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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