dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
