WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
