All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
