he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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