Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
