At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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