white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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