I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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