I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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