Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
