My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
