he thought i was a dude.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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