you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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