nut hugger
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
