Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
