I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
