and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Alive.
So much puke
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
