I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
