the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You made out with two different species that night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Randomize
