i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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