just tell him i said nine months
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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