nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
