I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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