Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
