no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
