so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
