I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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