is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
