Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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