Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
