the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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