On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
