I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
