allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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